Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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