I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
