Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
