saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Your cock deserves a montage
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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