so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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