Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
