from now on my penis is your penis
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
