forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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