My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
