I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
