actually, I'm a sock model
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
