is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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