I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
