Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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