there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
