I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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