I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
