i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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