One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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