omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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