so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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