everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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