There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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