he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
