I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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