Your tits are I can't wait for
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
