Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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