You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
