Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
