Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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