Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
the liver wants what the liver wants
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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