Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
