The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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