i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
