Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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