It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
