ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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