"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
