Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
