I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
