Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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