Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
