i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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