its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
