Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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