My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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