WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
These tits shall not be calmed
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