i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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