the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
