He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
