put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
