I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I licked your asshole in confidence.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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