I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he shaved USA in his pubs
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
