Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
