when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
