Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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