There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
