Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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