I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
