He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
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Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
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That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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