im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He passed out mid-signature
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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