I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
