Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
