Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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