i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
