I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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