SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
