Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
