So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Alive.
So much puke
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
