All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
