watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
