Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
