She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
