I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I feel like abortions should bother me more
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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