My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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