i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
