He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
