just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
