She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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