This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Randomize
